Dear Elin,

I am writing to express my sorrows after learning more each day about the unhappiness that El Tigre has brought you. What started with a National Enquirer story has now turned into embarrassing voice mails, text messages, and repetitive lies in the press. You and your family don’t deserve to be treated that way. Let M.E. step forward and offer a helping hand.

Just this morning, I read that if you were to leave Tiger, you would receive roughly $300 million in the divorce settlement – not including the $2.6 million home, $22 million yacht, and $39 million island mansion. This would be the largest divorce settlement ever, topping Juanita Jordan’s $150 million. My offer has nothing to do with these figures.

Imagine how life could be! Just you, me, and the little ones running around on the island and doing cannonballs off the yacht. We could travel, experience things that you enjoy. I can imagine you’ve seen enough golf courses over the past few years to last most people a lifetime… I barely like golf! I’ll go a few times a year with friends just to drink beer at a different public location, but that’s it. And if the guys want to come back to play video games, I promise no Tiger Woods Golf. I’m a Golden Tee guy, baby!

So if you’re interested, I’d be willing to drop everything right now (freelance career, grad school, staffing athletic events, etc.) to come to your aid. Please, don’t hesitate to ask for anything, Elin. I’m here for you.

Signed with love,

M.E.